All of Stars

It’s being hard everyday. Staying at home, doing nothing, watching other people taking up their own success and hearing dad’s hopes toward me like every single time. I knew he’s proud of me, but hearing those hopes just make me scared. What if I can’t make it. Too high, too risky, too unreachable. I don’t know. I just want to shake it off, this is exhausting. Thinking ’bout what people’s call FUTURE just tear me off so hard.
Honestly, I am tired for become the edge of my parent’s hopes. No, I didn’t think it was a bad things. I just… I can’t… I can’t bear it. To holding my own dream on my shoulder is enough to give me burdens, making those dreams come true is need more than hard work. Now, I have to hold someone else dream on me, someone else’s hope. I don’t know. I feel like dying, not my body but my soul does. Everyday I wake up with doubt ’bout my own dream. Can I get it? Should I just give it up before too late? I’m with my laziness just doing nothing. Watching the others be success because their hard work. But for now on, I can doing nothing.


Sad But True

I got my bachelor of design last week like what posted last week. But I knew, I KNEW FOR REAL that my design, my illustration wasn’t that good, far from what-people-call the best. You can call it ‘weak of essential’. I got heartache when people kept saying that “Your campus has lack design” or “In other institute, your design couldn’t be accepted even just for an alternative” and the one that kept going on my mind strongly is “You guys have no skill, most of you. It was different between the-one-who-can-draw and  the-one-who-want-to-can-draw.” I felt like dagger just stabbed on my heart, right in the center of the sad sense.
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it was hurt me …

it was hurt me saw you both

Last night, I was dreamed about you (again). But this time was different from the last before. This time, I was saw you and your girl in one frame on photo. You both looked so happy for having each other. Gosh, it was hurt me. Even I already broken, but I heard something crack inside there. Just, why?

It was last night dream :)

Dear, you 🙂

I had a dream last night, it was about you and me. That was wonderful and amazing dream for me. You and I, in a beautiful place, I don’t know it was beach or lake, I’m not sure, but the things I really remember was, you hold my hand and we walk around together. You say, that you were broke up with your girl. That place (an beautiful place that I don’t know where) just reminds you about her, but I didn’t saw something miserable on your face. You where smile brightly and talk to me kindly.

I remember too, your friends was there. Your friends that I know them, know their face and their name and I had small chit chat before. They shouted of us, one of them told me that I should comfort you because you were trouble with broken heart. And I did, even I didn’t know the way how to make you feel better actually, but when you asked me to go with you, then I go. Even that time I was playing water with my friends. I go with you, my friends was stared on us. I didn’t care. We were holding hand.

We walk around the beach or lake (I’m not sure about it), actually I realized that was just a dream, I don’t know why I know that was just dream. But in my dream, that something like that just never show up on real life. I tried to trowed away that feel, doubt feel about real or dream. I enjoy the time with you, your warm hand were tightly hold my cold hand. Ah, I remember, that time, I wear short pants and tank top, my hair was drenched because I was playing water just then. I was worried about that, about what you thought about my physical but when I saw the smile on your face, I’m sure you hadn’t worry about it. I’m glad.

I knew it was a dream, even last night, when that dream just come. I knew it, for sure! but what I remember was, We were holding hand. So sweet. So imaginative. So good to be real. But, can I? Can I wish the dream became true? Can I wish that one day we can able to holding hand, walking together not only in my dream, but also for real? Can I?  As one, as future.